Switzerland and Scotland to swap places after Brexit: Perfect solution

Edinburgh, Bern (dpo) - The governments of Scotland and Switzerland have taken a historic judgment: before the end of summer, the two countries are to exchange their current state territories. This means that Switzerland will finally cease to be bounded by EU member states, whilst Scotland will move right into the heart of the EU in the wake of the disappointing Brexit vote.

The two countries quickly settled upon the deal earlier this week. The purpose is that by the middle of the year, 8 million Swiss people will have traveled to Scotland and 5.3 million Scots will have moved to the Alps.

“This is a bright solution for the Scottish people”, enthused First Minister Nicola Sturgeon following her most recent visit to Switzerland. “Our Highlands will be even higher, as well as being right in the middle of Europe. We will also no longer have to put up with having the dreadful English to the south of the border.” The Swiss are particularly content, too: “We’ve never had Alps so readily handy before”, explains Federal President Johann Schneider-Ammann. “We even get our own coastline thrown in! And we’ll have twice as much space, too. We’ll also finally be rid of these terrible Germans.”

Equally, in neighbouring countries, there is general consensus that it does not really matter correctly which mountain folk with ridiculous accents and strange customs are to live next door. The next few months will be crucial for the Scottish and Swiss people: both countries are to be thoroughly cleaned and ready for handover no later than June. In both countries, the first national monuments have already been removed and prepared for transport.

Switzerland is paying special devotion to the planned designs for its new capital, Edinbürgli (formerly Edinburgh), and the overfilled urban area of Glasgau (formerly Glasgow). The Scottish delegation plans to install its maximum important monuments and buildings in Zuroaich and Bannockbern (formerly Zürich and Bern).

Nessie, the famous monster of Loch Ness (renamed Nesser Löchli) is to be relocated to the Vierwaldstättersee (renamed Loch Fourforest).

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